KITTY LOVE.

Shush Boy, Shut Your Lips.

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boyf finally lend me his webcam. its been mths since ive webcam. since my lappy is away for repair. i was hoping for him to webcam with me, but *insert sad face* his exhausted. he has been ignoring me for almost the whole day. cause all he wants to do is sleep. i understand that his tired and weak. but as you know, i have little tolerance for ignorance. he apologise for the lack of entertainment tday. its okay, i paham i paham.

suddenly im feeling really annoyed and tensed. hmmmmmmmmpfffffff.

did i mention that i almost got hit by a car earlier this afternoon? cause as you know, im still suffering from depression and my mind always seems to be somewhre else. and yeah, so i manage to catch a glimpse of the car and ran.

im in need of someone to entertain meeee, tsk.

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Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.
Im Suffering From Depression.Im Suffering From Depression.

Somebody help me get rid of this feeling.

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BOREDOM.

So from now on, you're going to be asked unique questions, you ready?

uh huh.

Have you thought about an ex today?

nope, never will.

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?

last week.

Do you consider yourself lucky?

yeah, very.

Relationship between you and the last person you texted?

in love and gg great(:

Why did you last cry?

i dont wish to tell you.

Could you cry right now?

i dont think so.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?

yeah.

Do you believe in karma?

well, yeah, i think.

Are you okay with the life you live?

yeah, its alright.

Last person you told a secret to?

boyf.

How many true friends do you have?

four(:

Can you walk into a room full of strangers and maintain your confidence?

haha, maybe?

Do small children like you?

how should i know.

Do you give up easily?

nope, i dont. unless thres really no hope for me anymore.

Where do you go when you want to be alone?

in my bedroom and switch off the lights.

If you could go back one month and change something, would you?

nope, last mth was my dream come true.

Your ex runs into you and hugs you, what do you do?

i would be suprised and speechless.

Are you a jealous person?

ha-ha. big time.

Would you ever consider adoption?

maybe?

Do you like Redbull?

well, i do like it. but i dont drink it everyday.

Think back 5 months ago, were you single?

yeah, i was.

Is it easy to make you smile?

absolutely, down to the small teeny weeny things.

Do you have a bad habit?

haha, yeah. everyone has one.

Where do you wish you were?

somewhre that thres sugar, spice and everything nice.

Would you date someone taller than you?

hell yeah. takder kick uh if someone is shorter then i am.

Did anything annoy you today?

i still couldnt send any msgs.

When is your birthday?

3rd sept.

What are you looking forward to in the next 2 weeks?

i dont know, nothing.

Do you think you could last in a relationship for 6 months.

ah huhh(: i dont think, i know i can.

What time did you wake up this morning, why?

almost 12, need to get up and bath.

Have you ever been kissed on the neck?

*thinks* hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, yes.

If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go first?

call up dayaa and come over her hse, my 3rd home.

Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer?

nope, not anymore.

Does it bother you when people get drunk?

not really, their risk.

Is there anyone that will text you and you smile instantly?

yeahh, boyf and my spastik babies.

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?

yeahh, dumb idea.

Are you mad at someone right now?

nope.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?

not always.

Full blood or half brother?

full.

Think anyone is missing you right now?

maybe?

Will tomorrow be a good day?

yeahhhh(: get to meet miraohmira and gg sch with boyf.

Do you like hugs and kisses?

uh huhhh, i doo.

What's on your bed?

pillows, bantal busuk and blanket.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

nope, noone.

Yesterday?

boyfffffffffffffffff. strike and you get a kiss *winks*

Is there one person in your life that can always make you happy?

boyf, spastiks, other gfs and bfs.

Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?

yeah.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?

cannnnnn.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?

yes, a couple of ppl.

Know how to cook?

dont even want to think about it.

Do you prefer beaches or forests?

beaches! uh wait, forest? haha, boyf can answer this for me.

Who knows a secret or two about you?

spastiks, boyf, wanie.

Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

hahah, i dont know. could be anyone. even the one reading this post right now.

Do you believe that things last forever?

yes, i do.

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?

well yeah, i used to have one. which magicly turn to my boyf. but well, deep inside, his still the boybestfriend ive always known *smiles*

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i miss my pretty boy(:

i was out awhile ago to get myself a top up card. finally im able to use my number back. i miss it. thanks aye dayaa for temaning.

met a couple of my friends and boyf last night. well, it was a little kruk kruk, but overall it was alright. i hope dyana and boyf enjoyed their time thre.

the reason why i decided to blog today is because im extremely bored. ive got nothing to say or blog about. anyway, im still craving for frappe mocha, its been mths since i last had that. i keep spending money on things i dont need, thats the reason why i still crave for it. speaking of frappe mocha, i miss wanie. she was blabbering at my tagboard saying shes anorexic and her life is fcuked up. since when she was anorexic? i grew up with her, and woah, she eats alot but her body stay as stunning as it is. but why and why now? i dont get it. i knew what she has been doing for this couple of months, i was suprised on the things she said. about her life thingg, obviously something has gone terribly wrong, again. im hoping to catch up with her again sometime soon. meanwhile, you pile up all your problems and when we meet up, flood me with all of it(:

another assholific day in sch again tmr. sch ends at 5. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~.

i miss gg to town. boyf, ask me out thre one day will you? pretty please!

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sekarang nie kan, ive got no plans. and its a saturday. noone asked me out tday. boyf is away to kenduri arwah. while im stuck at home with nothing better to do except to rot, rot and rot some more. dayaa is out with her aunties. edaya is idk whre. elly is idk whre. mummy is in KL for some wedding that she wouldnt let me attend, tsk. big brother is out with his gf, he laughed at me cause i told him im staying home tday. not fair laa. daddy gave me 10 bucks for idk what. i dont even know what im gnna use it for. i was hoping to meet boyf tday, but he told me his not sure if his mom would let. okay how droll. i think im off to sleep. need me just call/text alright people.

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ahh dang it, im missing my bby so much. i keep thinking of him over and over again. i keep thinking of the way he flashes me one of his killer smile *drool* i nak hug dier sekarang boleh? i wonder if his back home. i cant wait to talk to him latur on(:

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HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO NURUL HIDAYAH BINTE AZ.
im sorry if i wasnt the first person who wished you.
you knew why right?
your the person who always tolerated me when im in a bitch mode.
thank you dayaa.
i love you(:

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kau membuat ku merasa
indahnya jatuh cinta
indahnya dicintai
saat kau jadi milikku
oh tak kan ku lepaskan
dirimu oh cintaku
*insert smile*

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I RINDU YOU, YOU TAHU TAK?
i miss your smile.
i miss your random kisses.
i miss your random hugs.
i miss your voice.
i miss you pampering me.
i miss the silly face you make.
i miss your laughter.
i miss you disturbing me.
i miss everthing about you.

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Attended azza's birthday pit yesterday. it was a blast. finally we get to get together. i hope she enjoyed her birthday as much as we did(:

i dont know why im up so early today. its only gnna be 10am very soon. when i woke up, i started coughing. my cough gotten worst. i felt like a toddler eating too much sweets for the past few days. im in need of cough syrup, bad.

daddy keeps reminding me of 22nd july. the tsunami thingy. im afraid. he said thres gnna be an eclipse and the weather will change rapidly. i dont want the world to end soon. this is my only chance to be with boyf since like forever. i wna know how long can we stay strong together. i wna know how far i can futher my study. im just not ready for this. lets just pray that nothing bad is gonna happen.

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truth is, im not okay. im sorry i lied.

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why is this happening, and why now? i am never prepare for this to happen. i didnt see it coming. im crushed, im hurt and all the other emotions. i dont want him to go, i dont want anybody to me replace me, i dont want him to be replaced, i dont want him to love other people, i dont want to love other people. what im trying to say is, i dont want to be apart from him. he changed me in ways that he doesnt know. eversince im with him, i never contacted with anyone else. i walked away from all the previous guys whom i ever contacted. cause i know that i dont need them anymore. i try to avoid as much fights. i avoid the from the things he doesnt like me doing. so far im slowly changing and im putting all my fullest attention to him. for the past few days that he was sick. i went to school with worries. i was worried about how his doing at home, is he okay, is his asthma getting better. i wished i could stay by his side and take care of him, but i cant do that. i have sch to attend, projects to finish. im not sure is he really sees how much effort im putting in this relationship. i would do anything to save this relationship. sigh, im depressed. i hope this thing end soon. while waiting, im gnna work things out.

tell me why am i always yearning for his smile? when his happy, im happy. thats all i want.

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im gonna hysterical really sooon, trust me. issit me or issit you? i dont get it, help me.

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dear boyf, please get well soon. i hate to see you in this condition. i hope you get better in two weeks or less. as you know, two weeks takes a very long time. especially when the time ticks very veeerrryy verrrrrryyyyyyy slowwwwwly. i miss you like alot, i keep seeing you everywhere in sch. but it wasnt you at all. i miss your smile, i miss the way you always tease me, i miss making fun of people we know, i miss laughing without no specific reason, i miss everything. please do take your medicine regularly okay. i love you. if you need me, just text or call me. i'll attend to your needs right away. and if in the middle of the night, your not able to sleep. look out the window and look at the moon, you know im always thre(:

today was really kruk kruk laa. mira is on mc for two days. boyf for a two weeks. without the presence of boyf, i feel insecure. because i usually depent on him in sch. but for two full weeks, i have to be independent by gg home alone. as mira is always staying in sch waiting for her friends. but as you know, i just cant do it. i excused myself at 12 tday as im having flu and a slight fever. part of it was true, part of it wasnt. youu get it right, im just not able to stay in sch alone. thanks to dayaa and elly for accompanying me home.

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sch was a drag. i was late for 45 mins. waking up early was a total waste. had only two modules, yet the time was ticking slowly. text spastik asking if they wanted to have lunch at 1 together. since we hvent hang out in awhile and im starting to miss them hell lots. but the only person who replied was elly. met up with elly, talked ate and she went off. i met boyf at pool, got home together. his been having a bad ass flu for 3 days already, pity him. mus was hving cough, mus were trying to pass it to me. by the time i got into the bus, ive got flu and cough. how droll laa you guys. thanks to bby for sending me home *insert smile* get well soon okay korang. i got home and i immediately crash. i was tired and weak. i think i was really dead asleep till my brother used the computer and i dint realise. usually i would be awake each time he unlock my door. but nope, i slept like a baby. i had a weird dream about this huge kangaroo. it was really scary cause the kangaroo was hopping towards me while laughing in a very eerie way. i woke up as soon as i can. i text boyf and he laugh at me. ha-ha. terima kasih la boyf.

i miss using the computer. i miss blasting the music, checking my tagged over and over again, bloghop and everything. i dont really chat with people, only if boyf is online, i will switch my status to online. if he isnt, its away or busy and i will state DONT TALK at my pm. right now im thinking what am i suppose to do aft this cause boyf is asleep and only one of my girlies is online.

i miss my mummy. i came over the other day but i get to spend only little time with her. i kept thinking if im a mummy's girl or daddys. last time went we were still a family. i was always defending mummy whenever daddy tries to talk to her or fool around with her. but went i grew up, i was always with daddy. but now, i dont think im anyone's little girl anymore. eversince i grew up, my relationship with my parents is slipping away very slowly. because i dont get to talk to them very often and im always not at home. so im only depending to get my extra love and concern from the people around me especially boyf(: oh and not forgetting my big brother.

i think im off to doing absolutely nothing except to stare at the monitor. goodbye people.

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which is worst, depression or feeling at your lowest?
sigh.

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i absolutely hate my timetable. well sure, i get to go hm early on some of the days. but i start sch really early. like mostly 9 and 8. tmr i start at 8 and end at 4. what the eff laaa?! im most probably gg hm alone tmr. boyf is off to meet his boy bestfriend, tsk. girlfs finish darn early. hell yeah im not independent. someone accompany me back home please? please? pleassssseeeeeeee?

i pity boyf, cause he accidentally splash water on his cell. as you know, his cell is touch screen. his not able to pick up calls. and its so difficult to unlock. i was thinking since he still has his warranty, why not go for repair. but i think to repair his touch screen, he might have to pay. anyways, i miss you.

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i just finish watching the show radit dan jani. i was moved to tears by the story line. through out the show, i had one person who was on my mind. my boyf. i realised how very afraid i am of losing him. sigh.

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issit not possible to find your soul mate at the age of seventeen? im in need of an answer.

im currently chatting. also listening to music on my cell with a earpiece, pathetic kan? i dont know what is wrong with my stereo, it keeps switching on and off. hmmpf. im bored and i need someone to accompany me. im chatting with pkia right now, his blabbering about dying and meeting michael jackson. i dont know what has gotten into him, but get well soon okay? im in need of dayaa to online, i wna talk to her about xxxx so badddd! i want her to explain to me why isnt xxxx nice and xxxx did whatttt with whooo. im curious like crazy, its killing me.

i met boyf earlier tday. it wass a blast! we talked about some stuff, ahh well. some things arent meant to be told. i swear im not letting you drink anymore. because when u drink, you tend to ignore me and stone. im serious. ha-ha. but what the heck, i love him, thats what counts right. suddenly the song bad girlfriend is playing on my cell. this song never reaches my shuffle mode. whatever, im not a bad girlfriend thats for sure. boyf have been telling me i gain weight, ive been getting this alot. what do you expect, its holidays. when you get bored, you eat.

i cant wait for sch to re-open. i miss my miraohmira tooo muchhh! im starting sch at 9 and hving osa. it reeks, i usually start sch at 1 on mondays. now at 9, oh gosh. i want boyf to atleast start the same time as me one of the days. or atleast end the same time, so i can go back with him and he doesnt have to wait for me like last time. the longest time he waited for me was erm, frm 10.30 till 5.30. you do the calculation. it takes alot of patience to wait that long. and i thank him for that.

ive got nothing more to say, ohhh yes, one more thing. i miss EDAYA and ELLY):

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Hi, My Name Is Erni. Im 19 And In Love With The Most Beautiful Man Ive Ever Set My Eyes On. The End.